so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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