I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
