I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
