he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
