I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
