I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
