I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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