You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
