I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
