he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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