What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
