So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Someone came in the potted fern
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
