I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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