In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I will be naked everywhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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