??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
