the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize