remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
