I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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