Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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