i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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