Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize