the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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