Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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