i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
