as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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