How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
