so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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