Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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