He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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