I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
