I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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