I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
