Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
