i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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