the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
