you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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