he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
