i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
