He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
