I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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