two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
