Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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