there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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