Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
