She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My pussy is not your playground.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
