Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
