You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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