he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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