I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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