i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
