hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
