I love black thongs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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