You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I just went to clothing optional bar
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
