Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
