What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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