All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
