so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
