The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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