I cockslap morals
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
