I'm so fucking centered right now
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
