I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
