I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
