Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
