Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
