she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
