I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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