Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Still dying that you shit outside
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
