Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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