Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thus making me awesome and them whores
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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