wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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