WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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