i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
