I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
