I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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