You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
so much tequila, so little girl.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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