You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
