I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I intend to get homeless drunk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh god it's open bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
