No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
