i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize