I wannas sexs uuuuu
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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