I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
