I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
