I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
