i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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