Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
