He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My bed smells like the plague
He shit in the fireplace
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
