please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
