so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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