Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
