I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize