Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
