hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
