Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
