like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
