hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
