he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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