I can text with my tongue
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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