IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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