I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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