we're blogging at a bar
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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