i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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